ReDefinition at 35

What's up Hip Hop & Hookah Fam! It has been too long - about a month since my last post. It's never my intention to stay away for so long, but life happens and April-May always seems to be an insanely busy time for me. Truth be told I have a lot on my plate and things have been even busier than normal...


Over the past few months I have been trying to find a format that seems to be in line with the feel and vibe of Hip Hop & Hookah, and in so doing I've often found myself stumped for content. Sure, it might be easy to run off the steam of the trending topics in pop culture and talk about any one of the hot topics that clutters our collective consciousness, but for me it wouldn't be authentic. I find it taxing to discuss things I don't really care about and, honestly, I find most of the subject matter that's considered "newsworthy" to be a huge distraction. No shade to anyone who lives for the latest gossip and trends - we all have our own paths to follow, I just know for ME that's not something of great interest on a regular basis.

Therein lies my issue here - what do I talk about on these blogs if I don't have an event to promote or a review to share? I have a lot in me that I would like to express, but I don't know if this is an appropriate platform (or if the audience cares). Is that even something I should be worried about? Is this a "build it and they will come" type scenario, or should I keep trying to fit into a box that I wouldn't normally pay attention to myself?

I think the answer for me is true authenticity at all times. I'm no good at being fake or pretending and when I try it usually comes off awkwardly or I get very bored very quickly. Even as I write this now, I'm struggling to feel okay with just being open and talking. My feelings really have nothing to do with anything but I feel so strongly the need to connect and be real...

Last week I turned 35 and I made a few promises to myself. I told myself I would release myself from the burdens of the concerns and hangups of others. I promised to stop taking on stress and anxiety that's not mine, to stop responding to passive aggression, to stop living in the past or future, and stop doubting and comparing myself to others. While I believe strongly that these are all things I need to release to be my most authentic self, old habits die hard. I feel empowered by my resolve in one moment, and impossibly bound by my old and inherent routines in the next. But Life is a process and I am going to allow myself to evolve naturally while keeping my Self and my fears in check. Why should I try to put myself into one box when that's not even how my mind works? I've always been so unlike anyone else for as long as I can remember and I think it's about time I stopped TRYING to BE something or someone I'm not, or more specifically, stop restricting myself to being only a portion of myself for the sake of whatever.

This blog as well as this playlist have been worked and reworked several times each over the past few nights and I'm about ready to just push it out there for better or for worse. I'm happy with the playlist as it stands now so I hope those of you that listen will enjoy it. I'd love to hear from those of you reading this and those of you who have been keeping up with the blogs - what are your thoughts? What do you like about what I've been doing here? What would you like to see more or less of?

We all go through constant changes and evolution in life, so to try to remain one way or only be one thing does us no good. I'm definitely on the cusp of another major shift and I'm feeling very lost and scattered all over the place right now, but I do know that energy shifts like these usually precede an opportunity to redefine ourselves and settle as comfortably as possible into our newest truths and reality. It does us no good to try to do or be anything or anyone besides who we actually are - to try to emulate the apparent results of the efforts of another. It makes it hard to know what steps to take and how to navigate, but that's all part of the process as well.

At any rate, thank you for reading this and I'd love to know what you think. And enjoy the playlist. It's pretty chill and I think it's pretty amazing. Perfect soundtrack to roll one up and blow clouds to. Meditate and just be.

Until next time, Fam...

· xx · iAm EnerJi ~ Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @iAmEnerJi

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